Being You. A note to Self.

We keep hearing from people around us all time “I’m not feeling myself lately!” due to work or personal reasons or whatever. Well, the subject in question is, what is the real version of yourself? If someone pops that question to you, do you really have a concrete answer?

I’m taking my own case up for example here. The decisions taken by my 17 year old self are vastly different from the ones I stand up for, when I traverse 25. This process is otherwise referred to by many as “growing up“. It is pretty saddening to observe that while this “growing up” phase occurs, a lot of us tend to compromise on small-time joys for “benefits in the long run“. Although I admit that, on the forefront, the kind of compromises a person imposes upon himself/herself to attain these so called long-term benefits look discernible, the same is attributable to re-shaping his/her personality and traits to suit these requirements. This ultimately leads to a conflicting situation: Hey, I did achieve so much at 25. But I have lost so much more.

Hand me a time-machine like in one of those regional or western sci-fi flicks, and I’d go back and change many of my decisions. Like, for instance, I’d have chosen to do Humanities in school instead of Commerce. Arts or Visual Communication or Media n’ Entertainment would have been my Degree specialization. If not so, atleast I’d have dedicated a decent amount of time towards brushing up my writing skills. And more significantly, I’d certainly have ignored a bunch of people I spent a good portion of time with, between the age of 18 and 24, if I knew beforehand that I was simply going to be written off from their memories or conveniently forgotten later. Everyone would have their own set of decisions they’d want to go back and alter. None of us are perfect. We all make mistakes. It is up to us to embrace ourselves with all the faults that we are endowed with (since a time-machine is still not a reality..or who knows?!), and convert them into strengths. Make YOURSELF a priority once in a while atleast. It ain’t selfish. It is absolutely necessary. Sometimes, you just gotta love yourself like Kanye loves Kanye.

Coming back to ‘not feeling myself’, we need to actually sit down and ponder a bit over why we’re getting that sort of apprehension. The transition from 17 to 25 is pretty drastic. When you cross two and a half decades in life, the typical 17 year old needs of grabbing the spotlight n’ attention of everyone around you, and wooing maximum numbers of the opposite sex tend to take a back-seat. Health, career interests and a small-but-good friends circle start occupying the priorities list. You kinda have a clear idea on who you need in life and who you can just do away with. As time progresses, I’m pretty sure there are days where all of us spend time going through our whatsapp contacts and realize “Umm, I’m never going to post on particular group(s). Like ever. I’m never gonna speak to this person anymore. They’re never going to get in touch either. What are they still doing eating up space on my phone?”

Same applies to activities. To this moment, I regret not having devoted time to learn cooking or learning new languages. However, I still find time for work-outs, swimming, long walks, exploring, and travelling. Something or the other. Make it worth the while. Never give up on hobbies or your little joys citing work, tiredness or limited time as reasons. It is up to each one of us to set our priorities straight and implement them as constructively as we can. I work a straight 8 to 5 Accounting desk-job, which has not been all that rewarding (monetarily & non-monetarily!) of late. Hence, I have to take it upon myself to include a bit of those self-satisfying deeds as part of my routine each day to make myself feel psychologically motivated and physically enhanced. Self-loathing is extremely damaging, but only for those who don’t give a fuck about themselves.

For those entering their magical 18s, here’s an interesting proposition in case it matters: Choose your new friends carefully, date wisely, try not succumbing to peer pressure n’ shit like that n’ end up in rehabs, and take career decisions more effectively after YOU think YOU have contemplated enough. For those of us who’re already past this stage and have run out of opinions to look back upon, its NOW or NEVER. Time is certainly not on our side. Don’t agree? Just reminisce the last 3 Football or Cricket World Cups and try recollecting where n’ with whom you watched them, and you’ll realize how equations have changed.

PS: This article mostly applies to the 17-26 demography. Rest of the world can continue doing what they were doing! 😉


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